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last night chase, grant AND matt all went to bed really early. so amelia and I had some time to spend with just eachother in our quiet cozy house. she took a bath and then warmed herself in front of our fireplace with her towel–in the exact spot and way I used to when I was young. then she dressed herself in one of my cozy sweatshirts and we read stories in our big comfy chair….took a small break for an evening glass of milk–and then she climbed in bed herself. something in me (errr…the photographer, right) said i needed to photograph these simple moments. she has already grown up way too fast and i know i will want to hold on to the days when these little things constituted amelia’s perfect evening.

when i didn’t want kids.
when living near home, let alone buying the house i grew up in, was laughably out of the question.
i had no clue. my plans are not always the best plans, despite how much i think i know it all.
life is lovely.
this is why.
mornings like these.

okay. I’m back. I have done such a bad job of updating this personal blog. my “rest of the year” resolution is to share more. I love looking back through the pictures of my little ones, and I know I will regret later on if I don’t blog more.

I have been doing something on facebook where I list something every day I am thankful for. well. yesterday I really felt thankful for nothing. honestly, I felt overwhelmed with so many circumstances. I felt bitter and angry and was basically (as bad as it is to admit) was railing to God that he wasn’t answering my prayers and that it just felt like more and more “yucky” things were being added to my plate and I just felt DONE. not long after my little hissy fit I took a nice long walk with one of my dear aunts and was feeling a little better, and then later that day I was driving to an errand and I heard THIS song. actually, I literally turned off my CD and to the station during this song. it is the first time I ever heard it… and I KNOW it was FOR ME in that moment. the lyrics?
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

and then? the VERY NEXT SONG? this one.

i am so glad God meets us where we are. even when we are doubting.

and I am glad for the MANY blessings I do have. and that I have more than enough to be thankful for, even though sometimes I let myself get lost in what is wrong instead of the many MANY MANY more things that are right.